Cross words and other things...

"Cross Words" is a little poem that I keep in my Bible,
with many other wise sayings and treasures,
~~~
Like the last anniversary card my grandma gave me that says
"And they lived happily ever after." because she believed we would.
It may seem silly that it helps me to believe it too, but it does.
~~~
A dear card from my bestie, telling me how much she loves me.
Yep. I am that insecure to love that re-assurance.
~~~
A list of things women can do to serve from another of my dearest friends,
to help me remember the work God has for me to do.
It is all too easy to forget.
~~~
My prayer list.
(Self explanatory.)
~~~
All of these things are special,
comforting,
inspiring
and they help me to be a better Christian.
When I remember to read them.
That "when" thing is really kicking my hiney.

I struggle with my tongue and cross words.
No excuses, but plain truth.
It is made worse by hormone fluctuation during certain times of the month.
Again, no excuse, but true.
If I don't constantly work on trying to do better,
guess what...I don't.

It seems I (and others) of course struggle the most
(with whatever our particular struggle is)
when life is tougher than tough.
Prayer and Bible study are not what they ought to be.
Have not been what they ought to be.
I used to pray constantly and study daily.
Now I am struggling.

Lack of prayer and Bible study is a vicious cycle.
The less you do, the more you suffer for it and need to get back to it.
It is especially the case for someone like me.
Someone with a naturally harsh tongue who is too black and white,
who teaches the need to show grace and mercy to others,
but often forgets to exhibit those very qualities.
Not pretty. I know.

Today is a new day.
Even a fresh new month.

I am trying to shake off the fog of these last few months.
The last few years.
To focus and live purposefully.
To spend the time in prayer and study that I should be spending.
To talk to God and to believe He is listening.
You may be tired of reading my posts like this one.
I am tired of writing them.
But it is what it is, and right now it's hard.

I don't write for sympathy, or to discourage others.
I am sorry if I am discouraging.

I write because I KNOW I am not the only one struggling right now.
I intellectually "know" I am not the first Christian to have these struggles,
but emotionally and spiritually, it is debilitating.
It makes you feel weak.
At the worst of times, it makes you question your own salvation,
because you are discouraged and discouraged with yourself for being discouraged,
if that makes any sense.
It makes you wish you were dead.
Not taking your own life dead,
just "Please take me now LORD" Elisha's kind of wishing dead,
too discouraged to go on, too overwhelmed to keep up the fight.


I know the answer has to be re-focusing, re-purposing, re-dedicating my life to God.
I know others are struggling and stumbling along with a face plastered on outwardly that it is all o.k....but none of us are feeling that it really is, on the inside.
We are weary, sad and discouraged.
Stumbling, frustrated, feeling unsure of so much.

I know we need to take one day at a time.

So, I continue to ask our Christian friends to pray for our family,
our loved ones,
as we struggle to go on without Shauna,
for so many struggling marriages,
for so many diagnosed with cancer,
for our faith to be strong again,
for our hope to feel secure again,
for the wisdom to handle these struggles in God's way,
for strength to pick our selves up and immerse ourselves in His word,
and the humility to fall down on our knees in prayer,
and for the peace to KNOW He hears us.

And for us to just remember to have love,
kindness and patience with each other as our resources and coping skills are not just low,
but seem to be (temporarily) gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Cross Word

The cross word never made a friend,
It never earned a cent,
It never made a house a home,
It never bought content.

It never made a poor man laugh,
Nor mad a rich man grin;
It never caused an honest act,
Nor kept a soul from sin.

It never made a baby coo,
Nor made a sick child smile,
It never pleased the virtuous,
It never pleased the vile.

In fact, the cross word is about
The one thing on this earth
That we can get along without
Because it has no worth!

~anonymous~

"Let your speech be always with grace,
seasoned with salt,
that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."
Colossians 4:6

love to you all,
~m

Learning to dance in the Rain

Thank you for your continued love and prayers.

We have been home from the hospital for a few hours now.

David is settled in nicely and I have most things unpacked and put away. Unfortunately he had to wait over an hour to take more pain meds once we got home. Moving around is NOT fun at all for him, but he is very tough and not a complainer. His pale face, clinched jaw and sweaty forehead are sadly dead give aways, though.

But now I can hear soft snoring coming from his chair right behind me, and I am thankful he is resting so well. He really needs it.

He will be having surgery to put in pins, screws and plates to try to fuse the many pieces of his broken fibula (if I didn't mix it up, it is the larger of the two bones) back together. The tibia has only one fracture. We are very, VERY thankful it was not worse...just a fraction of an inch higher and his knee would have been crushed too...even harder to repair. Pretty things do not happen to a strong leg, even one belonging to my Superman hubby, when it is crushed between an Expedition tow hook on a front bumper and a tool box.

It was just an accident, but the person who was responsible (or irresponsible in my way of thinking) was fired. David did not want him to be. He holds no ill will or grudge, but it was his bosses decision and I think the right one. It was quite a painful and costly mistake to make, and at my poor husband's (and the shops) expense.

We pray for no infection, no falls and no further damage before they can operate some time in the next two weeks, and for the pain to be able to be controlled. We sure would appreciate your prayers for the same.

We are a bit of a pair...after stopping to get his prescriptions, and a pizza so I wouldn't have to cook, he had to sit and watch me struggle to carry in a few bags that were overloaded. My soreness/tenderness/weakness on the right side has been worse the last few days. Probably just a bit of stress and not sleeping well aggravated it a bit...those hospital chair beds...ahem...not great.

Along with that, I am already a bit pink. I have always preferred medium~ rare,
to well done, and I am hoping that is how I will turn out! :)

Before anyone hollers something about our kiddos helping, Josh was at work,
and we let Candice, Robert and Dustin go on to a Youth Rally tonight.

It all got done, just a bit slower than I would have liked.
We are way too young to feel this decrepit and I double dog dare any of you to say any differently!!! :)

One day at a time though, and we will be just fine. These difficult times make us realize our blessings and point out our need for our Father, our friends and our family.
We really do love you all and are so grateful for you.

I am most especially grateful for our God that does not shun me when I am weak and fearful, as I have often been in the last several months, crying out for strength, begging Him to increase my Faith and to help me to not be afraid, whatever the future holds.

We have had a lot of discussions/Bible studies/ prayers about how hard life has been, how we want it to be easier, how we are sometimes afraid it might not be...and how, while we MAY ask God to help times to not be so hard, we must realize the answer may be NO...
so the deeper focus of our prayer life is to ask God for STRENGTH for whatever lies ahead,
and for a cheerful heart to handle it.

I know I am not telling you anything new.

But let me say, knowing this, and living this are two different things.

I have been through hard times before, and I survived

LOTS of folks have, and are, going through harder times than us, right now.

But I think(and I suspect others do to) that I have still tended to live in that "God will take care of it, everything will be o.k." simplistic attitude.

I am not saying that God WON'T take care of us.

No.
NO.
NO!

I am not saying that at all.

I am saying that sometimes God taking care of us
just may not be what we have in mind
AT ALL.

We mean "God, make it EASY!"

We mean "God, I'll be faithful and not worry if you just don't make it too hard."

We tend to let ourselves feel protected from the big physical struggles/illnesses/traumas,
things that God NEVER promised to protect us from.

Then, guess what?
When they come, our faith is shaken,
some times destroyed because it was built on false hope and misguided trust.
God's promise of Peace is a Spiritual one.
Yes He is here with us now, in this Life.
Yes He hears our every prayer.
But His Peace is not like the world's peace.
Jesus said that Himself.
It is a confidence of perfect peace and rest after this hard, hard life is over.

It's a peace we get now for the promise we'll receive some day.

It's sobering.

I think it is difficult to properly focus on sometimes,

because we are caught up in wanting a more perfect life down here.
An easier life.

NOW IT'S NOT WRONG TO WANT IT EASIER!

It's just,
friends,
we might need to grow our spiritual maturity level a little...

or a lot

and realize
that it just might not get easier for a while.

Again, I'm not telling you, or me, anything new.

I'm not telling you I like it,
or I've got it down.

If you've read much of what I have posted on facebook lately,
You'll know my struggle with this.

I wonder if when God looks down at me he sees a child
"kicking and screaming"...
that's the visual image I have of myself sometimes.
A tantruming child shouting "I don't want it this way!!!

Yep. Knowing it and living it are two different things.

I am working on it.
Boy, I get tired of saying that.
:)

I recently came across a beautiful saying that I believe carries an Heaven sent message:

"Life is not about waiting for the STORM to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain."

These words walk hand in hand with my struggle...with knowing what I need to do, and working on doing it.
These words speak to me like the words of God Himself

No, I haven't gone off my rocker.
No, I'm not elevating a saying to be equal to God's word

It's simply HIS idea I see in these words.

Don't let trouble knock you down...stay happy, faithful and focused on Heaven.

I hope that if you're like me, and you catch yourself waiting for the perfect,
trouble free day, that you will
stop it.

THIS is the best day we are going to get and the only day we get TODAY.

You know the old saying "Make hay while the sun shines" Meaning, seize the moment to do the work at hand...well, that's right.

But as Christians, we need to be making hay all the time in the sun and in the rain.
Kind of live in the sunshine, or make our own...Hmm...another post talking about sunshine again.

That has been the thought in my heart.
Struggles and Rain always makes me think of Sunshine and Shauna,
now more than ever.
That is how Shauna lived.
She had a whole passel of rainy days,
yet she still lived in the sunshine.

I am working with all my might to dance in the rain.

Like Shauna did.

Like God wants me to.

I don't and won't always get it right but I'm trying.

I hope you do too,
and I thank you for helping me to.

Love you all.

I'm gonna go kiss my hubby really softly on top of his head,
get a drink of water and finish my movie.
Nite friends.

~m