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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Cross words and other things...

"Cross Words" is a little poem that I keep in my Bible,
with many other wise sayings and treasures,
Like the last anniversary card my grandma gave me that says
"And they lived happily ever after." because she believed we would.
It may seem silly that it helps me to believe it too, but it does.
A dear card from my bestie, telling me how much she loves me.
Yep. I am that insecure to love that re-assurance.
A list of things women can do to serve from another of my dearest friends,
to help me remember the work God has for me to do.
It is all too easy to forget.
My prayer list.
(Self explanatory.)
All of these things are special,
and they help me to be a better Christian.
When I remember to read them.
That "when" thing is really kicking my hiney.

I struggle with my tongue and cross words.
No excuses, but plain truth.
It is made worse by hormone fluctuation during certain times of the month.
Again, no excuse, but true.
If I don't constantly work on trying to do better,
guess what...I don't.

It seems I (and others) of course struggle the most
(with whatever our particular struggle is)
when life is tougher than tough.
Prayer and Bible study are not what they ought to be.
Have not been what they ought to be.
I used to pray constantly and study daily.
Now I am struggling.

Lack of prayer and Bible study is a vicious cycle.
The less you do, the more you suffer for it and need to get back to it.
It is especially the case for someone like me.
Someone with a naturally harsh tongue who is too black and white,
who teaches the need to show grace and mercy to others,
but often forgets to exhibit those very qualities.
Not pretty. I know.

Today is a new day.
Even a fresh new month.

I am trying to shake off the fog of these last few months.
The last few years.
To focus and live purposefully.
To spend the time in prayer and study that I should be spending.
To talk to God and to believe He is listening.
You may be tired of reading my posts like this one.
I am tired of writing them.
But it is what it is, and right now it's hard.

I don't write for sympathy, or to discourage others.
I am sorry if I am discouraging.

I write because I KNOW I am not the only one struggling right now.
I intellectually "know" I am not the first Christian to have these struggles,
but emotionally and spiritually, it is debilitating.
It makes you feel weak.
At the worst of times, it makes you question your own salvation,
because you are discouraged and discouraged with yourself for being discouraged,
if that makes any sense.
It makes you wish you were dead.
Not taking your own life dead,
just "Please take me now LORD" Elisha's kind of wishing dead,
too discouraged to go on, too overwhelmed to keep up the fight.

I know the answer has to be re-focusing, re-purposing, re-dedicating my life to God.
I know others are struggling and stumbling along with a face plastered on outwardly that it is all o.k....but none of us are feeling that it really is, on the inside.
We are weary, sad and discouraged.
Stumbling, frustrated, feeling unsure of so much.

I know we need to take one day at a time.

So, I continue to ask our Christian friends to pray for our family,
our loved ones,
as we struggle to go on without Shauna,
for so many struggling marriages,
for so many diagnosed with cancer,
for our faith to be strong again,
for our hope to feel secure again,
for the wisdom to handle these struggles in God's way,
for strength to pick our selves up and immerse ourselves in His word,
and the humility to fall down on our knees in prayer,
and for the peace to KNOW He hears us.

And for us to just remember to have love,
kindness and patience with each other as our resources and coping skills are not just low,
but seem to be (temporarily) gone.

The Cross Word

The cross word never made a friend,
It never earned a cent,
It never made a house a home,
It never bought content.

It never made a poor man laugh,
Nor mad a rich man grin;
It never caused an honest act,
Nor kept a soul from sin.

It never made a baby coo,
Nor made a sick child smile,
It never pleased the virtuous,
It never pleased the vile.

In fact, the cross word is about
The one thing on this earth
That we can get along without
Because it has no worth!


"Let your speech be always with grace,
seasoned with salt,
that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."
Colossians 4:6

love to you all,


  1. You help me so much. I can't thank you enough for that. All of this ^above^ is what I need to help me grow. I think God knows I need people like you in my life. Who knew that blogging would be a way for me to find strength! :)

  2. i don't think it is a weakness that we look for reassurance of love~ i believe that GOD made us and designed us that way. we soak in those special words that are said to us... and then we can pass on special words to others.
    that is a specialty of women.

    it stinks that it has been so very hard. we have to try to stay focused on the bigger picture and look forward to the day when we will all be reunited in that perfect haven of rest... and like i read to shauna in my letter~ try to be joyous on our journey to get there.

    love you and hope that you find that peace soon.



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