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Monday, July 11, 2011

Lessons learned...and being learned in marriage...

At the end of the day when I lay my head down on my pillow,
my mind is often spinning with words.

Words of prayers for so many mixed up and hurting friends,
torn up families and splintering marriages.

Words of comfort,



and sometimes even rebuke
that I feel almost pressed upon to share with others...

Not because I am "all that",
but because I...we,
have been through some of the same struggles,
battled some of the same battles,
had the same fights and fears,
went about things the same wrong way...
and needed help,
and hope
to get to where we needed to be.

Marriage is hard work.


every now and then

arriage is easy.

When it is good and right and we are following His blueprint,
it is Heaven on earth.
Things just seem to roll smoothly.
When wedded life is good, the world is just a better place.
The birds are singing.
The sun shines brighter.
Most days
We find it much easier to count our blessings.
We really can tackle any of life's troubles because we stand side by side and arm in arm
with His word guiding us.
We are united and we are strong.
There are hard times.
(more than you might expect)
Really rough, knock the breath out of you times...
But, nothing TOO hard that we can't handle, TOGETHER.

When it is bad, and we really are NOT doing it God's way,
it feels like a living Hell.
I don't say that lightly or flippantly.
I've seen illness, death, depression, cancer decimating bodies, abuse.
But nothing is worse than a failing marriage.
(except, perhaps in my estimation, a failing marriage with alcoholism involved)

I believe that God created marriage to be the closest thing to Heaven on earth.
Doesn't it make sense to say a failing marriage is as miserable emotionally and spiritually as we can become? We are ostracized from our spouses, and often from our Father as well.
We are discouraged, weak, angry, afraid.
Despairing we may spend a life time living miserably in constant turmoil.
We wonder how it got this way because we are Christians after all!
Then pile hard times on top of that, and we are knocked down.
Maybe for the count.
We wonder if any other Christian marriages struggle like ours?
How do we fix it,
or if it's that bad...
it just can't be fixed.

And then some give up.
They walk away.
They walk out.
They give up
or they give in.
And Satan gleefully watches another Christian home go down in flames...literally.

Our Holy Father is the designer, planner and promoter of marriage.
He wants and expects us to do it His way.
As in any other Biblical matter, His way is good, right, pure, light and full of joy.

When we deviate from His way, it brings heart ache, on ourselves and on others.
When we are prideful, immature, fleshly, selfish,
when we throw agape love out the window,
and we throw our intended roles out the window
it is not,
and it will never be,
pretty, or easy, happy or peaceful.

Too often of late we have found that a lot of "apparently" good marriages are really falling apart.
Too many men proclaiming to be Christians are involved in sexual sins
from pornography to adultery.
Too many wives are discontent and unhappy,
seeming to think they are missing out on something, perhaps keeping their gaze on the world, rather than the world.
Longing for...what...

Too much selfishness.
Too little Agape love.
Too much immaturity.

Too much entering into marriage allegedly prepared,
but really without clear ideas of what AGAPE love in marriage means or what God's roles for husbands and wives really are.

Whatever the reason, the troubles, struggles and sins hurting both husbands and wives are real.

If you are married, you may be struggling yourself.
If not, you may know someone who is.
If you're not married yet, likely some day you will be.

I know there is no easy answer.
Well, maybe I am saying that wrong.
The answer is easy.
It's the application, the laying aside bad habits, that is so hard.
But we just have to. Too much is at stake. And Satan is just sooo good at deceiving.
My prayer is that we will all look within first,
but also I hope we can reach out to others with love and patience and gently help guide them into a better way...God's way.
I pray we can unmask lies that Satan has fed us concerning marriage.
Maybe to ourself.
Maybe to a friend or loved one.
NOT with a holier than thou attitude.
But for LOVE'S sake.

We will study a few points and ponder a few ideas that if applied to humble hearts,
can better our marriages.
How do I know?
Because God never lies, and these ideas aren't mine.

They're HIS.

The points we will cover:

1) You need to be the perfect help meet for your husband, NO MATTER what anyone else says.
I did not say PERFECT person, but perfectly suited for your fella in particular.

2) You can't change anyone, but you can influence them. And you should be influencing your dear hubby for the good...not for your good.

3) If you are busy serving, you don't have time to worry about if you are being served. Self explanatory, but we will dig deeper.

4) Eternity is real, and no matter how bad you think your life is, it's a drop in the bucket compared to where you will some day take up permanent residency.

5) You are NOT the only one having struggles! Seeking Godly advice has saved many a marriage. However ONLY seek godly advice!


Points to follow soon!

So many of you have encouraged us in our marital walk,
and we are so grateful!
I continue to pray for all of us to have humble hearts as we strive to please our LORD and truly have the marriages God intends for us to have.

Much love dear friends!


  1. Hi Debbie! I came across your blog a few days ago and as I was perusing tonight, I realized that we know *er, knew* each other. I also saw that my sister, Chelley, is a follower. I've enjoyed looking through your blog and your Etsy shop is wonderful!

  2. Debbie, I LOVED this post! Thank you so much for posting this!


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